a good bit of warmth and energy seems to have suddenly evaporated, leaving behind this slightly melancholic calmness. the streets seem more subdued, and i wonder to myself if that one added layer of clothes somehow muffles the noises of the city.
there's the familiar autumnal crispness in the air, tinged with this finality, that summer really is gone. another summer over, and it's not coming back, ever.
inevitably, i get the strange sensation that i have been somehow transported back to my school days, fall in new england. it's not even that particular memories flow back - i just feel like i'm walking down a street in new hampshire, even though hong kong and my little high school town could not be more different.
perhaps, october was the month when i had settled back in the routine of school. when i'm no longer fretting about which classroom to go to, no longer worrying how i'll survive yet another school year. october was when i could leisurely walk across campus, taking in the breezes, the colors, the smells.
or maybe, i have watched too many movies relating winter to darkness and death, and autumn to its foreboding prelude. it might feel nice right now, but very soon, too soon, the cold, dark days are here. and i'm subconsciously morose about things coming to an end. spring is too far away to think about, and winter is right around the corner.
at the same time, autumn signalled the "new" year in my life for so many years, it's possible i still have not gotten over the feeling that autumn's the time when the fun and games and real work starts. we had become more senior students, there were underclassmen to boss around, and there were all these possibilities in the new school year. so maybe, even though summer holidays and school year beginnings no longer exist in my life, the weird mix of anxiety and anticipation remains.
but i really don't know. it's such a strange mixture of sensations i cannot put my finger on it. it's neither a good nor bad feeling, but it comes around every year.
i almost always try to shake off these feelings as soon as they come about, either overthinking them or living in the past is generally not a good thing.
but maybe once in a while, a little reminiscing can be a little enjoyable.
