life ranges; narrowing choices; future value; living for others

things that i really should remember, courtesy of the wife. 

there is range that we are probably born with. we can only do our best given our circumstances, and try to achieve local maximums, at least on a "success" basis. there's no limit as to how we feel though. we can feel as good or as bad as we would like to whether we achieve the local maximum or drop to the local minimum. 

our choices really do narrow as we grow older. my life really is not ahead of me any more. my potential, maybe, is just that. if i can't achieve this and that this life, well, another one. that's ok. and with narrowing choices, when we think we can choose between let's say actual dollars now and some unknown dollars in future, well, you have obligations so unknown dollars in the future isn't really a choice. 

living for others is just generally happier than living for ourselves. it really does make it simpler. 

Then, finally

There are these spots of time in life where things feel fucking awful, and where things feel fucking awesome. Objectively speaking, you know that nothing really has changed, life is just life, and ups and downs are just as normal as sunrises and sunsets. And, the sun does also rise and set (for foreseeable future), regardless of what we feel.

Those feelings, especially the soul-shattering ones, don’t just go easily. They will linger, eat at you, attacking your core, and for much longer than you envisioned. In reality, it is an act of stripping. Stripping you of the things you take for granted. Stripping you of the things you think are important. Stripping you of things that others think are important.

Then, finally.

You can finally revisit and face your naked, sorry self. 

Then, you realize that the world is an even nastier place than you thought.

Then, you realize there are pockets of people who are much kinder than you thought.

Then, you realize you looked too far ahead.

Then, you realize you didn't look far enough ahead.

Then, you realize that, life is suffering, truly.

Then, you realize that there is give and take for everything, even if may be years before you realize the benefits or the harms.

Then, you realize that you are no longer young and naive. And you have acquired a little bit of wisdom. 

Then, you finally realize you really are no different than any of your glorious and inglorious fellow human beings.