always

anything worth doing is always painful. 

always.

and it's about how much pain and boredom i can endure. and it's about getting started - to stick myself right into the pain and boredom. even though i know it will suck real bad. or in fact, particularly because i know it will suck real bad. 

it's only worth doing because not everyone is willing to throw themselves into situations that will suck real bad. not probably, but definitely.

the trick is to think not about the pain, but something simple, like how nice it would feel after the pain. 

that's all really - just when it's just simply too unbearable, forget everything else for a moment. just focus on the result to get kickstarted. 

then, just let the pain run its usual course. 

between a rock and a hard place

sometimes life is simply just like that. option A is terrible. option B is horrible. and sorry, there are no other options. i can analyze the hell out of it, trying to figure out which is more terrible or horrible, which one is more long term or short term, which one will most likely cause me too much pain, cause others too much pain, but in the end, i know for certain it won't turn out OK. whatever decision that i take, it will grind me down, chew me up, and spit me back out such that i probably cannot function normally for a while.

yes, even if that decision is supposed to be the "right" one, and of course whether it's right or not depends completely on perspective.

it is simply not fun.

interestingly, sometimes option A did not seem too terrible until option B came about. we are remarkably good about getting used to things. so, ironically, choices do have the ability to make things worse, or at least, shed light on why the original option A was not so great. and subsequently cause the usual indecision painful process etc.

this really does happen. in all areas of life. in all walks of life. in all stages of life.

i guess, i'd just better really get used to that life truly, truly is suffering. anything else really is a bonus already.