today is the day

today, is the day i tell the first person about this blog. i'm terrified.

trying to figure all this out is a pretty personal thing for me. i prefer to maintain a generally nice, semi-detached, normal, fit-in kind of public persona.

i hate being judged. i hate being laughed at. i don't want to be weird, on the fringe, out of touch, unbusiness-like, sucked into new-agey crap.

i would rather have my blog be about my latest and greatest, the incredible life i have, and how awesome i am. i would like to be admired, with tons of comments telling me how exceptional i am.

of course, this is simply feeding the beast called ego. it might not be an inherently bad thing, other than the fact that the beast is never satisfied. never. i stop writing to figure out things, and i start writing to try to be popular.

there are also more than a hundred million other blogs out there. not to count the number of great books that dissect goodness, happiness, and the meaning of life, and everything in-between. so, nothing i have thought of here is going to be original. so why am i reinventing the wheel here? well, probably because i don't know how to build a wheel yet. (very few people do, actually). so, perhaps writing about these things can help. it's an experiment.

so, all that doesn't answer the question of "why share"? given all my fears?

because, i think contemplating all of this is important. i think being good is important.

because if somehow, someone out there reading this ends up being a slightly better and more thoughtful person, or is comforted to know that they're not the only person in the world struggling with these matters... that seems like it would be a good thing.