why do i still go on?

sometimes my friends think i enjoy running, i enjoy yoga, and various sorts of masochistic physical activities. sure, i do sometimes. but a lot of times, more often than not, i have to drag myself there. five minutes into the practice or training, i'd like to quit. i'm wondering why i still go on.

a little voice in my head tells me, the marginal benefit of this one practice is not going to make a difference in the long run. another one tells me that nothing i do is really controlled by me, so it's quite ok to succumb to the temptation to be lazy. it's not really my fault.

since rarely can i simply enjoy the process for the process, i can only come up with random mental tricks to drown out the thoughts i'd like to be rid of.

drip, drip, drip. there are somethings where shortcuts are available, and somethings where there are no shortcuts. there is no shortcut for getting a sub-4 hour marathon and the full splits.

it gets better. the beginning is always the worst. keep going. what i do on those bleary days of pure lethargy, turns out to be 10x more important and effective as our "good days".

more pain now, less pain later.

there's no time. no time to consider and reflect "why". the problem at hand is "how". to get through this thing, somehow.

running in storms

before the age of treadmills, the great runners loved to run in the storms - while they were training hard and improving, their weaker opponents were skipping practice and going nowhere.

in real life we don't really have true opponents anymore - the only benchmark is ourselves and our ideals. and since we're so good at moving targets and rationalizing them, we do so, and we end up skipping practice. we first skip a couple sessions. then a couple months. then a couple years.

which is ok of course. until it's years later, and we are so far from our ideals, and we realize we haven't even really tried. and we wonder what the heck happened.

course of action

reflect. plan. reflect again. do.

and, try to maximize the effort, and minimize the expectation.

paralysis of choice

i'm particularly bad at this. really, quite bad.

some things to remind myself.

- it is impossible to make everyone happy

- it is extremely unlikely to pick the absolute best decision (or to pick the worst one)

- all the facts are not going to be available, so it is a toss of the dice

- whatever the choice is, try to think of the larger consequences of people other than yourself

too many things to do, all the time

isn't that strange? that at any point in time, we have a long list of to do things.

work. bills. random get-togethers. applications. follow-ups. exercise. read. learn. family time. time with our significant other. that thing we have to plan for. that thing we had already planned for. new year resolutions. new year resolutions from years ago.

if we miss that deadline, the world is actually going to end. this thing, it can wait another day. another year. another decade.

i wish i had just bitten the bullet and done it, it's too late now. oh, it doesn't matter any more at this point, glad i didn't waste time doing that.

we'll never finish what we set off to do, and we'll complete things we never intended to.

maybe, simply cheer up with the things we actually get to do, otherwise we just might go insane.

why are we still procrastinating?

big things, little things. that overdue memo i'm supposed to write. maybe they've forgotten. that run i'm supposed to crank out. my physical condition is not going to change because of that one run. that person i'm supposed to thank. he probably forgot about me already.

but maybe not. so why?

because it takes too much effort not to?

because that thing we're supposed to do doesn't really mean that much to us?

because we can't make a decision and maybe it will all turn out ok in the end?

because some other priorities came up? and after that, still other new priorities came up?

because we're tired, lazy, exhausted, unmotivated, pre-occupied, and generally just don't feel like it?

at the end of the day though, we all know that no one, including ourselves, really care about the reasons, legitimate or otherwise.

where is that mental strength when we really need it?

armchair charity

with so many evils and injustices in the world, it's really just too much to handle. where do you start?

sure, building homes, helping field workers in disaster area, visiting orphans and the terminally ill, they are nice but that's for people who have a lot more time than me.

i need to taking care of my own business first before i can help others.

i'm better at making money, so i might as well make lots of money first and then donate some of it. (look at warren buffett and bill gates)

i will do it, just not today. as soon as i finish this... and that...

so, in the mean time, i'll just donate a little money. which is nice, of course. and all these are surely valid reasons too.

but is it too much to ask to get up from your armchair once a month? once a season? once a year? perhaps you can start by figuring out where you want to start?