i'm not mediocre

i wish to be happy.

i need to be alive, with food, shelter, nourishment to be happy.

i need money to be alive, to have food, shelter, nourishment.

i need a job to have money.

i need to work hard to have and keep a job.

at some point, this becomes:

i want to be better than most, if not all people, by whatever measure comes to mind.

i need a really nice apartment, awesome gadgets/clothes/sound system/food to be in this "above average" group.

i need lots of money to get all these awesome things.

i need to work really, really hard to make sure i continue to be really well paid, because, well, i couldn't live without my awesome things. i don't need to be more popular/respected/rich, i suppose, but well, actually, that's the point of my life. i'm not a mediocre person, i'm an awesome, one-of-a-kind, definitely way-above-average kind of guy.

maybe, the actual issue is we like to be awesome at the things that don't matter so much, and end up being mediocre or below-average at the things that matter.

and what matters now? some possibilities here.

look at me!

i am so cool.

i am so smart.

i am so successful.

i have so many superior achievements.

i have so many friends who comment on my facebook status updates.

i have so many people who respect me because i am so senior and experienced.

and the real questions are...

am i still in a school popularity contest?

what am i using my apparent "smartness" for?

remind me, what exactly is the big deal about success?

are these achievements really mine, isn't it only a matter of circumstances?

do i rely on these dopamine boosts to validate my existence on this floating rock in space?

do i treat everyone else with the even more genuine respect, because they deserve it more than me?